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Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down
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Recent Entries 
11th-Aug-2011 09:29 pm(no subject)
Cat Out the Bag
I feel a little embarrassed reading back on my last post and how emotional it was. It was pretty dark times for me, but things are so much better now, like I'm living a completely different life. Looking back, I'm wondering why I stayed in the position I was in for so long, but at the time it didn't seem so easy to leave.

Things with G ended a while ago, I'm not even in contact with him on a friend level and so much better off for it. It was difficult getting used to being alone at first but now I'm just so much happier, I've got way more energy to put into other aspects of my life.

I do however have two wonderful additions to my life, my two kittens. Pure white ragdoll/oriental crosses called Ghost and Whisper. I've missed having a cat terribly ever since my original cat (A ginger and white Filipino alley cat called Jinx with the sweetest disposition) died a few years ago. The kittens came into my life through a series of mishaps and errors which came with my impulse control issues, but I don't regret it at all. They're absolutely gorgeous, the sweetest little things. Ghost has more the tempermant of a ragdoll and loves cuddles whilst Whisper has the insanity of the oriental. Still very affectionate but prone to pouncing on anything and everything, be it your feet, a piece of string, necklaces, shadows, or just her own tail. I'll have to get some photos and videos of them uploaded here before they're all grown up.

I'm also employed, though unfortunately only for another month, then it's back to the job search. But the income is great. I'm working as a youth worker in a church in Birkenhead. Parts of it are amazing, but we're a bit hindered by annoying red tape which can be frustrating. I love the kids though, I'm actually pretty good with them, especially the teens, which is a pretty awesome discovery about myself.

Things are feeling intense with the riots at the moment, well I say riots... It's really more a riot started in London with yobbish idiots jumping on the bandwagon elsewhere with looting and vandalism. I live just outside of Birkenhead in Merseyside which I'm sad to say, was one of the cities targeted. They didn't do as much damage as they could have done, just smashing a few windows and setting a few fires, but the majority of it took place right outside my workplace. You can actually see the play center building in some of the official photos. That's a little scary. There's talk that a large group of them are planning a proper hit on the city this coming weekend with gangs traveling in from elsewhere just to join in the vandalism. It really is sad that they're behaving like this... Birkenhead has a bad rep for being a bit rough, but I always felt like it at least had a good sense of community. It still does, but it's getting damaged by these idiots who are targeting anything, be it franchises or small personal run businesses. I think it's incredibly sad that there are people out there in the world who are so intent on causing misery just for the sake of it (they didn't even steal anything, they just wanted to do damage) with absolutely no sense of community. Fine, hate the law and the government if you have to, but when we're turning on ourselves, what do we have?
21st-Dec-2010 12:10 am(no subject)
Ooh Arr
Keeping this journal is too hard, everything's such a mess. I'm such a mess, I'm freaking broken hearted. It's all for nothing.  I've given up everything for this god damn relationship, I've sunk back into depression because of it and it's all for nothing. It's too hard I can't deal any more. I want to hate him, he just keeps manipulating and twisting, finding loopholes that he can lie to me through. If he wants that damn emotional leech so much he can have her, he's lost me. God I feel like such an idiot, I always do this. 3 almost 4 years down the freaking plughole and for what? His final words to be passive aggressive saying he was sick of my 'whining voice'. God I feel so hurt, I can even freaking cry about this I just want to throw everything and hide away and never deal with any of this bullshit again. God I don't want to be alone but I can't deal with him anymore. I just want something good and to be happy.
26th-Oct-2010 01:02 pm(no subject)
Autumn
Not forgotten this! I've been in Cardiff for the past week or so, partially to do some job hunting in preparation for my move there but mainly just to spend some time with G. As is what seems to be the norm for us, there was more drama. Not feeling quite ready to go into the details of all that yet, but I'm really hoping what occurred is the last of this chapter of our lives and we can just focus on getting back to happy again. It felt like it could while I was there, what happened hurt and shook the trust quite badly but I'm pretty sure it can be rebuilt. For the most part we actually felt genuinely happy together and there was definite warmth.

It was lovely seeing the rats again, of course. Willow's been ill lately, I think she might have had a stroke and for a while we thought she was on her way out but she kept fighting though the worst of it. She's a plucky little thing and has grown steadily stronger with each day, she's a little wobbly but still happy to explore in her own clumsy way.

Not so much luck with the job hunting but admittedly I wasn't putting as much effort into it as I should have been. Going to have to crack down on that. I got a little distracted with one thing or another. Some reasons are fairly understandable like the extreme life changes I keep having to deal with; but other reasons are not so good. I've been playing a lot of Fallout 3, I'm really getting into it. Seriously, I'm so bad with that kind of game, I really get sucked in until it's pretty much the only thing I'll want to do. I don't have X Box here so the game's postponed for now but I'm already itching to get back to it. Oh well, I'm only at mine for the rest of this week, due to head back to Cardiff on friday for Halloween so I only have to deal with gaming withdrawal for a few days.

Speaking of Halloween, I am feeling so, so festive! God I love this time of year, I even love the fact that shops are already starting to get all the Christmas decorations out. G hates it, he says it's way too early but I think the earlier the better, it helps take off the miserable edge of the grey winter that's looming. This year, I've set myself the project of making all my own Christmas cards. Going to stretch my crafting muscles. I've bought all the materials already, I'm really looking forward to starting on it, but first I need to work out a costume for Halloween. I'm still not completely certain what I'm going to dress up as and I'm quickly running out of time. Oh dear. need to do some serious brain storming, I think!
12th-Oct-2010 04:23 pm - Saying Goodbye...
Autumn
Today isn't the best of days...

I attended the funeral of a school friend this morning. I always find funerals a little strange; sad, but also disjointed. While there I bumped into a few other friends that I haven't seen for a number of years but I didn't say much to them. It's not the most pleasant of situations for a reunion. I didn't stick around for the gathering, just didn't feel comfortable; I hadn't seen my friend for a while before she died and I prefer saying goodbye in my own way.

I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for later today too which I'm not really looking forward to. Eh, the sooner it's done the sooner it's over, I guess.

As a nice distraction I found my camera hidden in my room just before and discovered some photos and videos I'd almost forgotten about. There's some lovely ones of my boyfriend's (from now on he can just be G rather than writing 'my boyfriend' all the time) two pet rats Willow and Luna. They're absolutely gorgeous, I love them so much. I've owned a number of rats myself in the past but I've never had any quite as cosy and affectionate as these two. I'll have to upload the footage once I find my camera cable.
Ooh Arr
...which means something remarkable should probably have happened. Maybe it did, but for me it was just another pyjama sunday.  Technically, it was still 101010 when I started writing this entry, but by the time I finished, the clock had crept over to the early hours of the 11th. Damn my slow typing.

On Saturday night I went with my sister, her boyfriend, and a group of their friends to Farmageddon. None of us had much of an idea what exactly it was, it's one of those 'fright night' themes all the farms seem to hold over Halloween. We were expecting a bit of fake blood, maybe a few straw stuffed corpses and some dark tunnels, all in good fun but overall a bit naff.

It was a lot better than we expected. I'm not the type to scare easy... oh scratch that. I admit it, I'm terrible in horror movies, but I'm fairly confident I hide it well for the most part. I take pride in not being one of these girly girly types who puts on the screams for attention and to seem precious. But last night I was screaming more than a coulophoibic in a McDonald's character meal. That shit was scary.


Something Wicked...Collapse )
8th-Oct-2010 03:52 pm - Softly, Softly.
Ooh Arr
Now to make use of this thing. I imagine it's the kind of process that's difficult as hell when you first start out (what to put? An introduction? Just go into my life at a run halfway through and expect the rest to just catch up? Discount my life entirely and hope my personality shines through in a series of witty anecdotes and observations?) but as you get into the groove, it gets easier. Also having a few friends would probably help, but Christ, I don't even have a single user icon yet, walk before you can run. For now I'm happy to just blather on to myself, maybe work up the nerve to participate in a few communities and hopefully the rest will follow.

First things first, why did I even set this thing up? Long story short, I left facebook, but still needed somewhere to reach out to. There's a few good reasons for that, the most sensible one being I think social networking is bad for you. It shouldn't be that easy to find out that much about other people. It disturbed me that I could just click on the profile of someone I hadn't spoken to since primary school and after just a few minutes of casual browsing I'm likely to find out their job status, spending habits, family life and whether or not they are on good terms with their partner. It bothered me even more that other people could do the exact same for me if they wanted. I'm not missing the irony of jumping the facebook ship straight to live journal, a site designed for people to spill their secrets and feelings to the world. But the difference is I can control what goes out here. I reveal what I want to reveal, I'm not left vulnerable to the not-so-caring or considerate masses.

Yeah, that's the main reason I choose to explain my facebook suicide. It sounds good, edgy like. I am one of the strong few who decided to stick it to the social networking man. But honestly, the main reason I chose to leave?

The personal stuff...Collapse )
6th-Oct-2010 03:32 pm - First Post
Ooh Arr
Another journal to add to the multitude of journals with nothing of interest to contribute. Hurrah!

Not entirely sure what to include or how to phrase this thing. Had another journal years ago, actually had two, but both were just as messy and were deleted out of embarrassment. Let's see if I get in the stride of it third time round. Now to find things I like!
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