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Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down
milk and two sugars
Softly, Softly. 
8th-Oct-2010 03:52 pm
Ooh Arr
Now to make use of this thing. I imagine it's the kind of process that's difficult as hell when you first start out (what to put? An introduction? Just go into my life at a run halfway through and expect the rest to just catch up? Discount my life entirely and hope my personality shines through in a series of witty anecdotes and observations?) but as you get into the groove, it gets easier. Also having a few friends would probably help, but Christ, I don't even have a single user icon yet, walk before you can run. For now I'm happy to just blather on to myself, maybe work up the nerve to participate in a few communities and hopefully the rest will follow.

First things first, why did I even set this thing up? Long story short, I left facebook, but still needed somewhere to reach out to. There's a few good reasons for that, the most sensible one being I think social networking is bad for you. It shouldn't be that easy to find out that much about other people. It disturbed me that I could just click on the profile of someone I hadn't spoken to since primary school and after just a few minutes of casual browsing I'm likely to find out their job status, spending habits, family life and whether or not they are on good terms with their partner. It bothered me even more that other people could do the exact same for me if they wanted. I'm not missing the irony of jumping the facebook ship straight to live journal, a site designed for people to spill their secrets and feelings to the world. But the difference is I can control what goes out here. I reveal what I want to reveal, I'm not left vulnerable to the not-so-caring or considerate masses.

Yeah, that's the main reason I choose to explain my facebook suicide. It sounds good, edgy like. I am one of the strong few who decided to stick it to the social networking man. But honestly, the main reason I chose to leave?

I'm going through some difficult times right now, not going to go into details on it because doing so usually leads to very long and emotional rants (and as you can probably already gather, I'm quite wordy.) But long story short, it's all about a guy. A guy who I love very much, very very much. I've hurt him, he's hurt me, but we don't want to live life without each other. We're in a situation of being screwed when we're together and screwed when we're apart, but we're not ready to give up on each other yet. We're working through things and riding on the hope that we'll get there. There being some kind of happy. Unfortunately, there are meddling outside forces (one in particular, unsurprisingly being another girl). These forces don't have our best intentions in mind , in fact they've made it clear that they have their own plans for how things should turn out which directly contradicts what guy and I want. The situation is complicated and it doesn't seems likely that this force will be cut out of our lives (much as I wish it would be). If there's any hope of guy and I getting through this bad patch, I had to cut this force out of my own peripheral vision. The best way to guarantee this was to delete facebook.

I think by being vague and brief I just managed to complicate all of that. Long story short I guess the brutally honest reason for why I deleted facebook was because I did it for a boy.

Wow that makes me sound childish. Eh, I'm choosing to focus on the fact that I've made a positive life step to reclaiming myself. Even if things don't work out with aforementioned guy, I'm fairly certain I'm better off without the annoyances and intrusions of facebook. At least for now.

And why did I join live journal? Like it or not, you can get pretty isolated without facebook. This place seems nice, I think I shall stay for a while.
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(Deleted comment)
11th-Oct-2010 04:39 pm (UTC)
Oh you're so nice, thank you. :) You know I'm feeling so glad that I found your journal and added you, you're so lovely!

What you said about facebook and LJ is pretty much dead on. There is more substance here, I've already stumbled on so many amazing creations on here, your icons definitely being up there. I don't think I'll be leaving here any time soon, my updates may get a little sporadic but I'll always have something I'll want to prattle on about. :)

As for me and the guy, well we've been together for about 3 and a half years on and off, only it has been long distance for a large portion of that. I don't mind going into it, but it's quite complicated.. I'll probably give more detail at some point when everything has passed, it's easier to talk about things when they're not still on going. Things can change.

A lot of the problems I've had with the guy have been down to fear and poor communication on both our parts, but we're aware of that now and are working to fix us. However whilst we're working through our personal problems, this girl is making it incredibly difficult by always getting involved.

She has feelings for my boyfriend, it took her a long time to admit this and unfortunately in that time a lot of damage had been done. In truth, it wasn't damage done entirely by her, he shouldn't have allowed her to get as close as she did and I did some pretty terrible things myself.

But the fact is, it's our relationship, and somewhere along the line, a third body had gotten involved. Whatever happened, she didn't hesitate to broadcast it to the world which kept damaging us. When things looked like they were over between me and him, she got herself nice and cosy in the gap I'd left behind. When my boyfriend and I started talking again and made the decision to try again, she was right there trying to dissuade him from the idea, and when that didn't work, she took to broadcasting to the world her heartache because of her 'unrequited love'. It began to feel like our personal lives were just part of the soap opera that was her own life.

You might have guessed I'm not very impressed with this girl. But the storm's beginning to pass now, she was living with him but has moved out now and I'm set to move down to where he lives in the second week of November. You're right, it can be so difficult, especially when it feels like you'd be ok if the outside world would just stop getting in the way, but the first time it actually feels like we're on the right track and through the worst of it. I have high hopes. :)

I'm sorry to hear about your own relationship. it does definitely hold similarities to my own experiences from the sounds of it. If you don't mind saying, what were your particular obstacles? What was it that made them feel like they were too great to get past?

It sounds like you've made the right decision, however. A bad relationship can be so incredibly draining. It should be one of your rocks in life and when it's not, it can leave you with no energy to do anything else. Sometimes there'll be bad times and you can get through them, but sometimes it's better to just let go. It's hard to tell sometimes when you're holding onto hope and when you're just too afraid to let go. I hope for me it's the former, but I commend your bravery for realising your own situation was the latter and it was healthier for you to move on.

Are you still in touch with your ex? I'm guessing it's the same one you mentioned whose cat passed away yesterday. I'm not sure if I'd be able to stay in touch with my partner if things fall through, I imagine it would just be too difficult. How do you find it? Hopefully he will start seeing how much better you are doing now you have peace in your life and strength, and then he too can start moving on.

Heh, I guess I can be just as inquisitive as you.
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